Perspectives...

No recap: Here's an index to these pages of blabbering.

Forward momentum: 5/4 7am

I think. I certainly do. Read this.

Monica used to make me mad and upset me all the time. I certainly couldn't change her. I wanted to be around her without being totally miserable or upset. I couldn't ignore her hurtful actions, her continual over-promising of the hours of her day and putting time she scheduled with me at the bottom where it never gets to or her habit of ignoring me for long periods of time. The only thing I could do was accept her for who she was. It was actually my perspective, not her actions, that were causing all the pain. I was the one wanting her not to take advantage of my kindness. I was the one wanting her to be on time.  I was the one that wanted her to pay attention to me. Let's face the cold hard truth. If she would have wanted any one of those things, they would have happened. 

Most people have a problem adapting to the situation, they set expectations and when those aren't met, they get distressed, depressed, angry or resentful. This is a very Buddhist concept. You've got to be free from desires to ever hope to attain freedom from suffering and the joy that comes with it. I wanted Monica to act in a way that would make me happy and when she didn't, of course, I wasn't happy. Once I set that aside and let her be who she is and not who i wanted her to be, i became more at peace with her and happier in general. 

Likewise.... If I'm not paying attention, I get upset when you don't answer my messages, or demonstrate knowledge of their content. It's very wrong of me to put those expectations on you, and especially problematic if I start trying to get you to change, to bend to my will, or do anything that you're not doing. You're doing the best you can to juggle your life and include me into it. With my whole heart and all of my soul I believe that. You are a genuinely kind and caring soul, a voluptuous and lovely individual out there trying to make it through another day the only way you know how. Just like me. But you're not me. And if I start trying you to change into more of what I want, you would be changing away from  the person I enjoy, who is the person you are now. Furthermore, it would be problematic for me to expect that change in you, especially because it wouldn't happen, and likely that if it did happen, i wouldn't enjoy the person you would become. I lose no matter what happens when i expect a person to change. The only way to achieve happiness is to love them for who they are and accept them for who they are not.

That's how i keep a smile on my face.