The Real Deal

 Here's JUST the posts of the month of June. Today is Thursday, the 8th, 2:10am (June 8th at 7:30 and i'm finally done, I spent all day working on this and getting side tracked) Okay, so it's been a few days, I've been keeping my forebrain occupied so I could get some thinking done. It worked.  So contrary to what the subtitle says, I'm already derailed as hell. I'll eventually get back to Idaho Hot Springs, but at this rate it may be July.

I watch, well, late at night its either music or Sorority Based, pseudo-reality porn. I've had this slew of about 96 hours of this particular show for about ten years now. It never gets old. I'm watching sub-plots now, or studing the way that their voice or what their noises say about their personality and how surprised and dismayed they actually are at what they're doing, probably for $300, man they should have just been a hooker. The pay's better and the sex isn't as rough. BUt whatever, it's my background what-have-you. MInd you I have 27 days straight of other similarly rated other types of adult video, from BDSM ouch to yea all of it, as less of the incest as i can, cuz that shit is not a turn on, and I'm not as big of a dick fan as i used to be. It all comes down to i don't know how to use anyone elses',, i've been told i do not give good head (explaining that it's not a handjob does not compute to some people) and in reality there's only three dicks in the world. The one that's bigger than mine, the one that's smaller than mine, and the perfect one, mine. I've messed around with enough that those are the official three dicks out there. and porn mostly only shows the one, and that one isn't flattering next to me, and the ones that do show the small one are fetish and about micropeni, no me gusta, i still got a  shit ton of CFNM though, i can watch that (Clothed Female Nude Male) stuff fairly hard core, along with anything with chicks masturbating, less so the creepy hidden camera and more so the self made or reality based. But, I'm boring you, I can tell, my the way I hear your eyes roll back into your head. Although I did hear a couple chuckles at the dick jokes, which was mostly what this whole paragraph was set up for, ancillary things yea, but i had to tell that dick joke, i'd been thinking about it for a while. 

And speaking of which, lol, I really wanted to bring up either of the couple elephants we have hanging around, which i had my facehole visible, but in the end it was more relaxing and fun to just flow. We'll get there, but uninterrupted time like that was totally helpful. I was beyond happy, overall. There's gunna be a little more of that coming up as soon as i can get it set up with you to do sushi and RV-Viewing. They don't necessarily have to both be on the same visit. And too bad that truck stop's not closer to either of us, because it sounds like, as much as i would like to take you up on your shower deal, that's the presence of cold bursts kinda is a no thank you, but getting one of those big shower rooms and then there's plenty of hot water to go around. And don't even go there because I wasn't but since you brought it up, damn you, i know that already, but I think i could trust you not to grab at my big awesome shower towels that I have, i love those fucking things, the bath sheets, regular towels are just so whatever barely fit around my big belly, like the  bath sheets totally ohhhh yea. See what I i did there? Yea, I know, second time in one night, i got ya. But, to bring it back around, yea, viewing, raw fish, and facehole. Once you get your schedule figured out with the boss lady we should get'r done. Afterall, you're in this neck of the woods for work, may as well put some dual use to it and get fed, check out some wheels, yo. Get your ear hole filled. I got a sermon to give and its building up, oh yea. LOL but really though, i know where my platform is on all those topics now. I can at least think them confidently, they may not sound confidently when i vocalize them but i know what it's all about.  Oh and while we're on the subject,I think I caught a glimpse of you the other night. Had I realized in real time, who it was, I would have made a better effort to get your attention and engage you but it was brief and then poof, you got swapped out, cuz ya know, every time you blink or look away, the faces change. That's one of the things you look for in lucid dreaming. It's what I've been working on recently. I'm getting pretty good at seeing when i'm dreaming again, now i just gotta get back to flying. I'M constantly floating around but its always me struggling to keep my feet on the ground, which is the exact opposite of flying damnit. Cuz I been trying this stuff for decades and flying, yes, fucking, no way, i can't make that shit happen no matter how much I try. I gave up. Although, curiously enough, my dream hardons cause real ones that are outta this world, so i know someone can get them going on but i sure lost my touch, shame. anyway back on track. yea dream. you too brief, no flying, but constant floating in mid air.

Oh yea, and it was Monday that I saw my doc and told her about how the meds need to change, it was Tuesday when I spoke to my psych about it and Wednesday my Neurologist calls and switches my meds. Fucking Bingo. That fast. And it's something I've had before and its way less way more mellow. Well less intrusive I was going to say other than I mean I didn't notice the keppra up until now, but it's oxycabenzapine, trileptal, i think i've had it but i know i've had its cousin, tegretol. I should be alright. I'm just glad that they are hopping to it, finally after 5 years i'm getting a  little attention. Oh, and speaking of which, I've been seeing someone else, sorta cheating on ya, lol, i get so much of my typing dont working with that fucking chat AI business that I'm all typed out. Fuck I dont even think i look away for one seconds until after the sun came up, after seeing you. Which again, was totally worth it, made my day, thanks for sharing yourself with me.

You know, now that all that is off my chest maybe i can get some shut eye. I had a big ol fruit smoothie for lunch at 7pm, and a big ol salad for dinner at 1am oh and a kefir, a quart or  whatever, i could barely get it all down, I'm so full. We'll see, I'M sure I'll get to talk to ya soon. I know, work and sleep are important, I totally get it, i'm just such a whore, i'm used to getting you all to myself lol, nah im sure you do other things, i'm just not sure what, and its more fun as a mystery. Okay, goodnight, sleep tight my young hottie friend, sleep tight

I'll finish up the rest tomorrow.  And tomorrow here it is, i even had a dream sequence, a full one this time with you in it, we were kinda on different paths and you were part of a different crowd,  but i'm gunna get ya one of these times, and say "Hi" and see if you have get any effects. It'll be an interesting experiment. If I can just start getting you in there, I'll start interacting, then I'll get to try out things and see how you react. Fun stuff. Experiments, especially ones like this, man i love'm.

Man, oh wow. An extra garlic, green onion and sharp cheddar cheese and pepper scramble, Yea  fucking heaven. Yee-fucking-haw . All it was missing was a jalapeño and some fucking pepperoni and I would surpassed heaven. Add in a fruit smoothie, a shot of espresso and it would be mah-velous. Anyway, I'm full and happy and that's what counts. I make good eggs. I don't overcook'm, which is the most important thing besides no water or milk, just plain butter. I learned that one from Gordon Ramsey. Good stuff.

Follow up: I just did some research on Congestive Heart Failure. After Tom came unglued yesterday and is going to point out prove me wrong, I decided that I needed some more ammunition on my side. It turns out, I was wrong or the odds seem to be right on the edge that I was given the wrong information compared to it being accurate, with regards to me life expectancy after Congestive Heart Failure, stage 2 to 3 it seems is where i fit. Next doctor's appointment I'll get all that data, now that I know what to ask for. I want it all. But I kinda for into stage 3 and kinda only stage 2. At any rate, the general outcome is favorable with the survival rate being as high as 76% after the five year mark. but it goes as low as and lower than  38% in some studies. That's a range of 35% but still good odds that at worst 1 in 3 and at best 2 in 3 survive after the five year mark. The numbers get less reliable at the ten year mark. It shouldn't be too difficult to achieve that not be in the 30% or so that go away at the five year mark, especially seinga s how well i'm improving and how strong zi feel now compared to a year ago. NOw going to an online heart calculator i input all the variables that i know, and came out with two different answers depending upon i I smoked or not. If i did, my heart was 74 years old. If i didn't, my heart was 59. Quite a difference and definite food for thought.

Briefly: I just put up a couple more tornados, nothing has really been sellin' that well, and if i don't get out of this slump I'm gunna have to change my subscription or cancel it. I can't justify the money if I'm not using it. Then I can pay off that computer a little faster. They already gave me another $300 on top of the $500 i just spent, but I'll save that, cuz T-Mobile gave me $700 to buy a new phone and good one is $1200. I think T-Mobile gave me $700 discount and financing but still..... we'll see how it goes. After the phone this iMac will have crashed its last time, I'm sure, it's the one I really work on so I'm gunna wanna invest some cash in it rather than just getting a 15 year old one off craigslist like last time, I mean it's served me well, its the face for 3 now 4 computers, giving me the screen to  interface with all of them. So' I'm gunna wanna throw a little cash in the direction. After that it's maybe a new van, but we're talking a few years down the road. See how I do? I'm starting to come out of my shell a little and buy for me, instead of just buying food that only serves as making brown sauce anyhow. Which I'm gunna be making regardless of whether I spend money or not. So may as well get some electronics.

Music, I love. I been listening to Green River all morning, and they're like the 2nd coming of grunge, going on to form the infamous (blah) Pearl Jam. But man that's a subject I could go on about, we start talking The Gits, Temple of the Dog, Mad Season, The Melvins, 7 year Bitch, Tad, Alice in Chains, Mudhoney, I mean c'mon now that's real music there, Let alone we get into the far reaching roots back in the early 80s in Portland with Greg Sage and the Wipers, man that gets me going. But all of that's just fresh in my mind as I had a very long and in depth  conversation with the chatbot about that this morning, consequently it morphed into other things, like my research i presented above and an article on the Gits. I've found out what and how I get the thing to write longer articles about any given subject but I've also founds it tends to invent facts and sources out of thin air, especially when you're having it expand articles. That is a somewhat disheartening revelation that I'll have to look into a bit more, especially by doing some fact checking on things i've had it wrote for me.

Getting on to the posted videos, the first one is a G'n'R song, "Used to love her" off of their EP from the late 80s, G'n'R Lies. That was perhaps my favorite of their albums. This ong, of course, i thought was the real winner, but they had an aerosmith cover on there that was pretty good, along with, One in a million i think and Patience, plus You're crazy. But it was "Used to Love Her" that rang with me the most. The only thing that stopped my fromplaying the shit out of the album and truly annoying all the passengers I carried around in my Camaro, was the fact that Faith No More hit with their third album, the first one with Patton, The Real Thing, and that commanded my stereo until I moved in September. But until then it was this one and the reason being that I loved this song so much was that it was how i felt, but in a tongue in cheek sort of way about women at the time. See I hadn't been able to have a relationship, and i used to get teased about it, because they could take bets and odds were that they would last two weeks and I would get dumped. The two exceptions being a gal that I dated but didn't date (Colleen Duch) and had i known then that it was the love that it was I would have done things differently but I just thought we were best friends and I soaked it up. We were inseparable for almost a year after my other relationship that broke the rule, which was with Christon, the one who recently put me in jail. Christon and I split because her mom told me she had been seeing another guy and her brother told me who it was. Now, ffwd 30 years and she claims her mom was lying because she had a crush on me, which in retrospect I could see, and that her brother was also lying but just out of pure being a  dick for no reason, also something that I could see. I mean, and she wanted to be mad at Colleen for breaking us up still and I tried and tried to explain that i set up a date with or thru her mom with christon and came back for it and she was nowhere to be found and I heard all the lies (that i didn't know were lies) and i figured if you're dating other people then we're through and then colleen and I started hanging out. Colleen was officially the first girl that matched my 'type' (and I've got to say this, what i meant by type is that a high amount of partners that i've had, were of this body type, i don't know what it actually means, it probably has to do with feeling secure, or maybe a modern day caste system reference but its probably just coincidence, because off the top of my head two of my bigger relationships, no three, were not of this type but then three were and by bigger i mean about two years in duration with only 3 making it longer, and one was my exwife at about 14 years, 97-2011) So, back on track, how I viewed ladies at the time was that they weren't worth much other than being a handy-dandy well  fitting place to dump sperm. Why bother giving a  shit because they all  would like say 'oh I love' you and then dump you a couple weeks later, I had went celibate for a year when I was hanging out with Colleen just because with her I didn't need sex, I had a best friend and that solved everything a girlfriend could and more. I just was too blind to see it then. At the point when I got to be after colleen I was working my way through the freshman and sophomore classes hitting on them looking to get laid cuz i had done all the rest of them that would have me, this was in my senior year when I (as I mentioned before, "Music I love," 2nd to last paragraph) basically ran that school. And the song seemed to tongue in cheek match my feelings, "I used to love her, but I had to kill her, I buried her in my back yard" Axel sang. They spoke specifically about that song in their biography but I forgot what the gist was, something to do with controversy. I think it was almost too much and they couldn't get the label to put it on the album or they had a hard time in doing so.

Black Happy. (and  I put up an album over here) I used to play the shit out of that album when they first released it, in about 1992. Rock music with a horn section. Totally brilliant. I still listen to it here and again, although  pretty much wore it out back then. IIRC they were from Spokane or Pullman  and I think that was some of the allure. IT's still catchy, fast paced music that sounds like you could dance to it. Anyway, Garlic is the lead track on one of their only two albums, but the second album sucked, this first one, Friendly Dog Salad, was a winner, same with the rest of the album.

And with that I'll close this off after saying one more bit, and that's about the sixteen different personality types and how I found out that i'm an Architect. It comes pretty close to who I am. I went to my phone to use it a remote and change out the music and instead found myself trolling again through the personal ads, and this one caught my eye, until i saw  oh a couple deal breakers, Vancouver, wa, and I'm not into a translady, not sure if she was coming from being a  guy or going to but either way coupled with Vancouver it made me go, meh, and just as I was about to pass i saw where she had noted  ENFP, and I thought WTF, so I googled that shit and it's one of the sixteen personality types identified by this famous research or some shit. and the site had a personality quiz you could take. So I ran through it and the following is what it said about me: "Your personality type is: Architect. Your full personality type code is INTJ-A (83% Introverted, 66% Intuitive, 58% Thinking, 51% Judging, 67% Assertive)" and also "It can be lonely at the top. As one of the rarest personality types – and one of the most capable – Architects (INTJs) know this all too well. Rational and quick-witted, Architects pride themselves on their ability to think for themselves, not to mention their uncanny knack for seeing right through phoniness and hypocrisy. But because their minds are never at rest, Architects may struggle to find people who can keep up with their nonstop analysis of everything around them."and it had a link to this page, which linked to this page explaining the two architects. I'm type A, assertive. Enjoy, I'll be posting this to you sometime before the night fully falls.