Left is Right

one, he’s got quite a few email addresses (yea, i know, i went ahead and snooped cuz I could and was interested)

two, dating websites suck ass, the search is bullshit or not there, you gotta click through pictures of dudes all day long, ugh, unless his pic is naked or he’s not using one then he’s not on the sites i checked, i searched for user names based upon email addresses i found, now if he’s using another name, like Corey Jones, or Jones Cory, well i wasn’t looking for that but that one came up to one of his plethora of phone numbers, i have a  document with all the info i scraped, with source links included, it still needs some cleaning up but its probably of little to no interest to you cuz you already know most of it, you knew he has two facebooks, right? I thought so, hey I do too, so whatever, one was created when i got suspended those couple times, it happens

three, i’ll give you whatever i found if you want. i think he’s using another city, he’s never really changed any of his living shit to elma, except for the one time he listed himself as living at your/m*****s dads house with i think his credentials too, so that was interesting

four, i did see your little sister, aha see what I did there? She kicked me back the $20 which was nice and unexpected, and reassuring, i did mention i was there and your situations brought up but we were both noticeably cautious about keeping confidentiality, she let nothing go and neither did i except for the dmt thing, which, last night i did one that blammo tore the universe open into weird cubicles and added dimensions wow, i got a little overwhelmed and had to assure myself yea man, its okay; it took three big rips…. three, two was fun a did a few of those but its the third one now i could still see reality it was just broken into weird little reflective and moving randomly boxes, totally impressive. Ya gotta do three, oh yea, i’ll be right there, i can hold your hand and be our rock, it’ll all be just good. now m****a was bummed you didn’t do the dmt, but nothing gossipy was said, okay? no confidentiality broken. she gave her thoughts (that you need to follow thru on your threats to him and i concur, you do) i just wanted that you heard that from me, and want to reassure you what was said was coming from two people who care and want that you get into a better place, i got your back if you ever need an ear, a lap or just someone to yell at, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, you can’t scare me off

five, and i’ll quit before se7en, you don’t goto dating websites to get hookers, so he’s maybe on back page (I almost got the lead job to design that) but the place to get hookers as far as i know, and i really don’t, isn’t dating websites, but he’s not listed locally unless its out of chehalis or back in Albuquerque or TX or CA or the few leads seemed to go to the midwest but i think they were crossed wires leading to nothing but a chase for a wild goose, so anyway thats bullshiat, which you knew, and fuckin eh woman, you don’t need fuckall, you set up the conversation that corners him with your bluffs and get him to trip but even you dot NEED that, you know and your guy is right, and i could go off on a big tangent here on how he’s let a good thing slip by meanwhile we good guys are left continually stomped on and he dense know a fraction of the extent of what he’s lost or to what degree times a million cool you are and id trade a testicle and thumb to just get to be seen hanging with you IRL, let alone get the opportunity to have spent these years with you. I’ve spent a life of living morally and being loyal and honest and sure I’ve made mistakes, but i didn’t deserve to go down like I’m going, not without the chances some guys get, i gave so much, and I’ve been made out to be a mischievous up to something just because ladies expect it and assume i am when really its not that I’m good at hiding shit cuz I’m not I’m a horrible liar, I’m squeaky clean because i am, and the mischievous bastards get away with murder and get all these chances cuz they manipulate and its frustrating, i could fill pages on how showing you the shit thats as thrown at me and i was accused of and how i gave until i bled then borrowed blood to give more, but thats another tangent for another day, who knows, they say good guys finish last, and I’m not finished so that implies theres more coming and its not over, i’ll go to my grave shining like a bright star regardless of if anyone is around to see… but I’ve digressed enough

six, if you want to visit i’ll always be responsible and be able to get you home or keep you safe you can count on that, we can have fun and just don’t worry about my living situation cuz it sucks you cant come in here but there’s places we can go and things we can do that isn’t here, I’ve got a fucking motorhome we can drive to somewhere and park for a week, or just we can just go the van ain't that bad, I’ve lived in it, lloydii and laurie did too, don’t let this hotel be an excuse keeping you from your desire to see for yourself cuz you know you want to, and I’m telling you that you can, close your eyes and leaseback off the bench, or dive off that stage, i won’t let you ht the ground, I’m not rich but I’m well funded we can have fun and get you sometime away, clear your head, and its Kareen, right? I like the K, you should do what you want because everyone in this life is doing just that, I’m going to trust my instincts and thats why I’m going to be more open and let myself show despite the fucked up places we both habitate at, I’m worth it, you’re more than worth it, and i can’t blatantly do much more than offer my hand so we can go play in the rain so thats what I’m doing, extending that line, do it, it’ll be worth it, s***a, fuck the norm, ignore your compass, your sense off whats right and wrong is in some ways what got you into this mess but it can also be your way out you just gotta see the forest amidst all the tree it its way, be more confident and take what ou want don’t wait for my shy ass to light the path, okay, I’ve gone too far i think, but I’ve made some sense i know so, so excuse my muddying the  waters and stomping on all the boundaries i mean only good, no ill, i do, i don’t want to, well, I’ve got to be a little guarded but I’m throwing some restraints to the side and trying to come out of my shell, i don’t want to stamp on your toes but i do want to inspire you to get your boots on and they say those boots are made for walking, do it. one day at a time don’t look back just do the best you can with the cards you have and just that your taking the obstacles in life all those bags of shit you aren’t carrying them but making them into bricks that you’re going to use to build the path out of here trusting taht looking over your shoulder you’ll see you’ve built one fine ass road out of the forest you just can’t connect the dots looking forward you gotta get there and look back to see the awesome path you made, start building one brick, one day, one decision at a time. 

seven, I’m going to let it all be for now, this is a novel enough, you do what you want with what you’ve got, its the thing these days, the rest of humanity is playing their cards that way, so  why shouldn’t you? you should. keep me posted and don’t let shit cause you to hide or get depressed, fight back, be strong, be that person while you can, you were there in the past and while that vision is still clean enough do it again, be fierce, you got this thing, depression is for the rest of the planet not you, proof is in all the everything not just a motorized piece of paper, its in all the little things, its already there, you’ve got all the pieces to the puzzle and don’t need to assemble it to know its a puzzle, it is, just having it s enough, fuck the assumably of proof, thats just an excuse to not act, take the bull by the horns, through caution to the wind, be 25 again, be you, i saw it a little the other day and i see it again just a little with this message it wants to be free, let it be free, okay, K? i wish i could help sooth what hurts that you smacked when you fell, i hate it when that happens, one of these days i’ll have to give your feet a good rub, i rock at foot rubs, they release so much you wouldn’t believe go my, I’ve made people cry for joy. talk anytime, I’m always here. ciao