In the Before Time

To recap: Here's an index to these pages of blabbering,

tamezapam was he benzo that helped me but i didn’t need that much, only ten i think. but seroquil. fuck man. 60mg of that will knock down an elephant. I’ve got that. but anyways yea i hate the american system too. in the rest of the world if you break your arm you goto the pharmacy and buy vicodin. if you can’t sleep you buy valium. no prescription needed.. just buy it at the pharmacy. have questions about what to buy, ask the pharmacist. its simple. i loved central america. shit like that fucking made sense. with this shit here, stupid. they won’t pay for anything but local anesthesia. i gotta pay for the stuff to make me sleep out of pocket. i’ll just wait, ill have the dentist smooth it down to the nub and when it gets infected and is about to kill me i’ll goto the emergency room and they’ll have to pay for it. fuck’m. if i can save the money first, i’ll try that. but I’m adding two to three hundred in extra rent, and power is another hundred or 150 thats totally half my pay and I’m already out 400 leaving about 50-100 discretionary that will go half for gas and half for recreation. there’s no room to save and i got no help, my sister is against any help, even though she stole my inheritance (a couple million) and got me kicked off my moms will, so  thats why she helped with the rv, so she wouldn’t feel bad and her thievery and double so she wouldn’t have to look at me. fucking stupid and i don’t know why i talk to you in the morning  i always say too much and get too emotional. lol so you got a new place? is that what I’m hearing? if so congratulations! hopefully this one works better for you. i hope you feel better. net time i see you i’ll give you the seroquil. if it’ll make an elephant sleep you’ll go down lol i mean go to sleep, you’ll sleep =

Well she knows I'm light years from or if I ever could care for another person in the way she wants. I'm stuck. I'll be a best friend but I don't know that I'm up to being a partner. I don't think I have what anyone wants. Especially because what I tend to offer is friendship and not partner material. I don't think she's ever stopped looking for that guy. I hope she can find him. I have pages upon pages I could pen about that subject but won't. It may be a lot of observation but it's more so much here say and speculation. I too am looking for a sugar momma. I think we all are. I tend to find painful lessons instead. Maybe much in the way you have. Maybe one day we'll each find the next. But it'll be by accident or happenstance not by intent. That much I feel confident about. We don't ever find what we want but we usually get what we need. The large gap in between is our lesson to ourself. One that I kinda growl at.  RABL RABL