In the Before Time

To recap: Here's an index to these pages of blabbering,

i think she pulls away if she knows you’re trying, outwardly care less and i think you’ll get further. also let her think she’s in control. she wants to be the boss and she likes being in control. let her think she is. i think thats the key. look i mean our approach isn’t working, the shoe doesn’t fit; try a different pair, she’s slipped from me kinda and I’m going more readily forward with those ideas in mind and already i see results. ima let her drive. my ex-wife taught me that if she told me how to do something id rebel, so she let me go and she told me that she would get me to do something by only feeding e enough information so my opinion was my own but it was also hers, i was a puppet but its a technique with merit. i ant remember the last time someone told e how to do something the right way and i did it; its never happened. but when i phrase it as I’m learning or give them the clearance i learn and their ego gets the stroke. its like your mind you lose when you let it control you, control it snd be happier and the way you do that is ignore it, don’t let her know your backing off, but back off on anything sister critical and feed her that only when she’s not looking. she loves discover and that rush, let her have that, play into it, and limit what you say to only the bits that will lead her down the path you want. ask more questions than statements. she’ll respond if she thinks she’s the alpha. i hit a brick wall when i pulled away via she wasn’t acting the way i needed. i hope that makes sense. it takes more tine but we are gifted with a lot of that shit. it will seem like youremissing out on shit by not being assertive and you’ll wanna react more, fuck that and shut up then  think and act.im more cautious and guarded in thoughts and speech and she’s more attentive when i do talk. you really want her to see your point of view. i get that. spoon fed that shit to her when she’s not paying attention.  travis and tim ARE there less, toms there more, he put his foot down and somehow she responded because i think she knows he’s more valuable and cares way more than they do, ages starting to crack, toms learning to argue without being confrontational and he’s winning, we will never be allowed town apissing contest with her but by being more selective and not tell her the hows she should be doing stuff and oh i don’t think that anaolgyis gunna  make sense.  somehow toms winning and somehow i think he’s practicing this and he’s reaping rewards. somethings instead of telling her he’ll shut the fuck up and see the couple minutes and it’ll be done. now he can’t or isn’t applying this to his own life yet but that’ll come. I’ve learned how totell him about himself in a way that he listens to and I’m seeing  side of him i needed, but he thinks he’s in control, we get along better, we both benefit and all i had to do was act like the omega and he respects my opinion more and asks of it more, when i was telling him about him self that didn’t wrk, now I’m telling more and he doesn’t see it. we had a three hour conversation that went back and forth it wast him on his high horse, i was taken aback. when i started giving him the space to be the driver he responded. its a subtle thing. please comment because i want to know if that made sense because it sounds like it should be to me but it may not be and if i know i can try using different apologies.  but i think or rather it seems thats what is working. and because we need her to change its important. she has to want that and hates being told. she will never want what you tell her but she’ll learn from your thoughts, you just can’t be direct and i think you are very direct. don think this is being sneaky or manipulative , well it may be that but i think its a effective way to affect change, stay positive, people hate negativity and they hate being told what to do. work within those confines for better results. maybe you know all this, i dint. all i know is you say your stuck so maybe you forgot or strayed from the course. you guys are alike. and that is why you butt heads. she said something about you the other day and wanted to flip out cuz she was wrong, and i forget the specifics, but i passively corrected her,a nd she appeared to hear. thats when it all clicked. i knew i had to tell you. i think i mentioned it but this works great on husbands, even smart ones like me, maybe especially so. i want to win. when i stopped i started to win more, somehow jennifer fed into that, she’s smart with people she’s a bill collector and great at her job her boss gave her a whole shop whereas she used just watch jerry springer while i was a bacon maker. i was unhappy but effective at being  the lead dog, when i stopped wanting to be the lead dog i got further. it didn’t happen with her, but it happened. I’m happier. i continue to fuck up, hopefully that will always be the case, but I’m happier and I’m starting to see it. i was in a funk. i wouldn’t admit it but i see it more clearly now. i was trying to run my life but needed more help in doing so and it was driving me nuts. i think I’m obfuscating the concept so I’m gonna back off. i’l tell oumy god news is a minute and seerately cuz i think single tasks are easier to say and listen to, and we don’t like thinking and working at information, its harder for both of us. now its till pontificating. more in a minute r seventy. and again, ask and i’ll clarify.

tom (of all people) texted me that evening and said moving (on the agreed upon day, nota. Big deal) was off. I questioned Monica who said itsnot then moved the day then no showed. I do understand her desire for me to learn all about my rv and rest assured I'll quickly become a self proclaimed expert, but driving this trip is impractical as it causes the need for another driver and I can take the fucker out whenever I want. What she falls to realize is that I'm not her. Im not gone become a shopping addict and or borderline hoarder (dont you dare tel her I called her that, please). I mastiff the. Storage holes but I won't fill the rv with clutter and it'll be. Able to take it out. My buddy John, who's been my mechanic and auto go to guy since the late 90s is guaranteed to have me out and about. He goes snowmobiling and quad riding in his and while I dont have an mechanical toys, im dunno go out when he demands itch I get it. But im okay with reality. I can drive, but im. Ashitty driver, even though ive been to one of milwaulkie, Dallas or st Louis about 50 times, thats about 600,000 miles and I drove half of them behind the wheel not getting pulled  over but im still a shitty sloppy driver. I have my whole future riding on this and I cant afford to fuck it up, swerve and get pulled over or nothing. If she won't let it go maybe I can drive from summit park and ride to Elma, but no amount of lets make him drive it is gonna do as much good as what I need, I know that, I get it, and if we can manage without paying the gas and coordinating the time of you to drive way in the fuck out to whoever to help in her idealistic situation is impractical at best, humorous almost. I'll call her tomorrow after they pound on my door insisting I vacate (legal counsel assures me, along with the new owner of the hotel) that indeed I dont have to move. Stressful and im not looking forward to it. Ive never been in this situation, and I was hoping she'd have some insight. Maybe I'll call her now that ive sen what ive writes and its childish of me not to. Tom actually said Ian was driving and you were following or something of the sorts, he sure likes to get his nose in where no ones king for it. Im sorry for the rant. Obviously the subject matter is churning In my head. In my perfect world im there by new year I doubt thats reality and backup goal is by my birthday 8 days later. Can you tell me if im being unreasonable or im missing something or there's an elephant in the room iim not seeing?I could really use an opposing point of view, or shit goto bed, you need sleep, literally almost all my schizophrenia is traceable to lack of sleep, just dont tel social securit. The lymph nodes in your brain only work while you sleep so your literally filling your brain with poison excrement by not sleeping, or so says the worlds leading somnologist ( I geek out on consciousness theory, sleep and penetration testing computer security) cheers