In the Before Time

To recap: Here's an index to these pages of blabbering,

17 years is a long tie. honestly i am not sure i wanna be around that long, i dunno. but thats prolly  a best for another time thing, well i don’t know but ill ramble if yu want. otherwise I’ve said enough :P I’m not too worried about the background, if they tag mean it I’ve got bigger problems that them because then I’ve got almost literally no where to go, so i can’t go there, i’ll let the universe decide and i think she’ll be forgiving. i have to say it this way, I’m what they want i don’t leave mess which is where well one of the reasons monica ha problems. mostly i don’t think people even know I’m here, i keep my nose clean. i think you’re spot on. love yourself, be proud and do what makes you that way. i mean no apologies i am who i am and I’m okay with how I’m living my life, if i was unhappy id change, but I’m not, everyday i do what makes me happy, if its not for you, so be it and i don’t think she can say that,i don’t know why, she is making it i life, id be damned proud if i were her, she got an amazing balancing act  going on and she needs more applaud, i don’t get why she’s not happy, i don’t really have i guess she’s got shame or something over her drug use, while i won’t go out and tell my neighbor hey look at me, i won’t lie about it unless it challenges r threatens where or how i live or be, my neighbor, you, her won’t do that so why should i lie or divert the truth, theres no need, you’re my friend and if you wan to comment, do so, I’m grown i can take it and i don’t think she sees it that way. integrity. think thats the word and i think of myself as having some but i see her as shallow and nonthinking, jeez some of what she has going on is easy to fix if yu just do it, tom finished her floor cuz he couldn’t stand it.  it made him feel good to do it and i think she’s missing out on that feeling good about accomplishing stuff like that, thats where you get yourseratonin, accomplishment, make yu goals smaller put some gimme ones in there that you’ll finish, be happy set yourself up to be a  winner and fucking win, fuck the game stack the deck in your favor, and you won’t do that by being dishonest, we can all see it in every, yo would know my lies sooner r later and we see hers, we aren’t blind just like she’s not blind but she thinks we are, I’ve said enough, in summary she’s got herself set up to fit and its easy to fix but she won’t can’t or isn’t seeing it. i see you trying, making an effort, i believe you are trying with her but boy she’s, well, talk to tom.                         

as early as possible would be cool, i mean i have to be there by 5 I’m cool otherwise, assuming that goes well and i believe it will, my shits easy to get, i just gotta come and get it and gotta get over myself about being shy about carting my stuff out blanket the tv (that big tv i found it by the way, on mushroom trail) so I’m cool with whenever. as far as driving, i want to, i need to but this isn’t where or when i do it, i can always go and drive, i don’t really feel comfortable if i were to drive it and toms gonna piss me off if he keeps bugging me about driving there. the rv is about lets say 30 minutes from e nd I’m 30 from there so thats being at the rv and going i think by 3 cuz I’m sure it needs gas, and thats a 430 arrival, I’m adding on lot of wiggle room. i can bring you guys some sushi back when come to get my shit or fill you cooker with steaks and salad (no glutens ;) i’ll be able to help with food bank and shopping trips,  believe we’l both benefit eat other heck if it were for you i wouldn’t be taking my meds right now but one night when mon and i were at your place you said something and i was humbled and right then decided to start and go on the pathe of health, thank you, you prolly saved my life