In the Before Time

To recap: Here's an index to these pages of blabbering,

I’ve found that its the exception that people know mensa,monicand tom didn’t,  sorry if i denigrated you at all, i didn’t mean to, and if i did mea culpa, i’ll try to be more aware around you. if you have questions you will ask. maybe that has something to do with my past five years of silence. most people in this social regime are short in some capacity, more than the norm, nothing bad but drugs stunt growth, emotional and mental, and i wanted to fit in. so maybe as a tactic i chose silence. and I’m still that way but I’ve noticed i TALK to you; I’m me again. it took a bit of flatulence to get me out but when a whelped a good one whose i came a running. it wasn’t just my sobriety, because i was sober for all 7 months in jail and came out still a silent tweaker. scared. I’m not scared anymore but moreover, i feel confident talking to you. thank you. i can see in some ways how I’ve grown a bit ,but it was more of a silent and bare molting process.mostly I’m really glad to have found a friend, and i appreciate that more than you know. i think any people if not most, all but those who have done some self reflection, and by some i mean some but a fucking lot of some, lol. i meant some guys in jail who had done some solitary that were whew wow confident mature and smart. I’ve been reflecting my whole life, the alcohol kinda stunted it and so did the drugs ,but it never left and wow am in thankful. i was protecting myself and in doing so i had tricked myself into believing that i was who i  was acting to be. maybe I’m whooshing, i don’t know, but thank you. it strikes me as a happy curiosity that my ego chose you to reveal itself and had stayed hidden past all those people. but yea so many people remain willfully ignorant of their lack of or of the existence of emotional iq. ya got book and street and emotional. i was hatched/born with 85-10-5. i had enough street to be able to build on it but totally stunted in EQ. which is typical of people with my affliction. our slogan is we are rare, lol. I’ve met so many people that were and you could see it too but were smart totally or street smart totally (rarely both) but were unaware of EQ, and i mean just ignorance is bliss kinda. my buddy vinny was really stunted, in mensa, but he knew he didn’t know what was going on, but he chose to hide like his dad who was in the top 3% of mensa, but drank and beat the fuck out of him, i mean, he didn’t try so much to sabotage and kill my marriage for the sake of that he did it as a consequence of that was the only way he could think of to get the love of his life to go out with him, my wife, man was he ever smart. he was fun to be around. the one time i did dmt with hm, on acid, after 18 months of doing it almost every day, i saw demons. the grew outta him and roared at me. i didn’t understand that foreshadowing then, but i do now. that stuff will show you the future but sometimes if not usually you don’t wanna see it, it showed me the future with my ex, it kept showing me the apocalypse all dark and grim reapers, i didn’t get it then but boy do i ever now. around other people it was happy and joy and colors, and the ayahuasca was too. happy and joy and colors. but chooses scare tactics to show you the truth where there is danger, or it did with me. i miss dmt, and i can’t wait to get extracting again when i get into my place. it showed me some shit in this room too, nothing dark and that is good.  it showed my the physical manifestation of music, when it turns into colors. I’m slamming into that now i think, and i think I’m finally put that one together. life is what you make it. current consciousness theory proves that basically, especially when you mash it -plop - with neurology. we write our own stories. your brain sees ahead of you but keeps you blind to it, shaping it and lying about mistakes, corrupting your memory to prove that its as wright all along one really its as just trying to make your reality like you want it, but not let you know how much influence you havve cuz it think its the end all, and for more people it is. i have some video podcasts ill have to show you, i can easily find them on you tube, i should download them and make them into regular videos like my tv & Apple TV & roku shit. i think I’m going to monicas one day while she is at work (i’ll get permission) as long as that chick isn’t there, cuz i needs to download some big files, stuff from able, no piracy, but maybe then i’ll make those downloads from youtube too. this is all spawned from your first text. i’ll get to the second one after some chores. adjust my attitude, straighten bed, drink tea, drop the kids off at the Super Bowl, that kinda stuff; oh and i needs to knock tom down a few rungs, he’s trying to put me down passive aggressively, because i asked his opinion and didn’t take to his thinly veiled sarcasm as a response like he thought i would. eheheheh he dont know me, he hasn’t ever listened, see he lies, i tell the truth but he thinks i lie, he’s good attacking but because he doesn’t listen he’s stupid in some ways, in many he’s a joke, be he’s still my friend if not one of my current better or best friends, and i like him despite  his shortcomings if not because of.....