Protein, sleep & much more

No recap: Here's an index to these pages of blabbering.

Forward momentum: 5/2 8pm

It sure sucks you didn't get much sleep. Somehow you've got to get past that.  It'll take more willpower than you care to admit that you have but it can be done. I know it can  be. I used to be totally sleep deprived, for many years. Scared of my bed, Using alcohol to get me into the bedroom, ashamed I wasn't getting it on with my wife, embarrassed that she wasn't even attempting at the least bit to try, confused and hurt by the whole thing, like taht sex stuff needs ti be a two way street. after a couple years sure the magic fades away, especially when the oxytocin stops pumping but fuck me silly it doesn't mean you can't talk about it. That's one thing I improved a bazillion times over with my foray into being a divorcee.  I made sex a priority, and I learned a lot. I know my sexual proclivities inside and out and i'm not ashamed to talk about them, although i still have the standard blushing and societal bullshit holding me back from being totally open, especially because i feel a lot of the it would be unnecessary to discuss, but now even though i have special needs i still consider sex and sexuality and getting those needs met  a priority. part of my depression this winter and last summer was due to a lack of sex, now that i've changed that and started dating lefty and rosie again, i feel loads better, but I digress... sleep, i was overweight and had apnea and then the night terrors had be beating up my wife in bed while sleeping and screaming in the middle of the night, i was loaded with reasons to not like the place. I've since moved past that and really what it took was positive reinforcement. I still find myself missing nights of sleep here and there but every single time i get into bed i praise myself, out loud, for getting into bed, and out loud, profess that it feels good & thank myself for going to bed & tell myself how good the sleep is going to be and profess my love for sleeping. all out loud like a  prayer. different wording every time but same concept. i reinforce that bed and sleep is good. you too can use the same concept. it works, there's tons of science on the power of positive reinforcement and how its tons better than negative reinforcement and by dwelling on how you're mad or disappointed cuz you didn't  sleep or that it depresses you then you're practicing negative reinforcement and it takes 7 times of positive to replace one negative. I believe in you. Try my ideas, research the science of it and do it. fucking get to bed dumbass. i'm inches from threatening you with spankings if you don't but i guess that it wouldn't be a punishment and well off the deep end that would go. you'd try to hide your pleasure and i'd try to hide my jealousy and all hell would literally break loose. I'm not ready to go there just yet. although hey we could trade. if you spank me i'll spank you. i promise i'll act like its punishment but i can't guarantee i wont be grinning the whole time.

anyhoo. ahem. now I'm blushing. moving right along.....

Im blaming you. You bought and fed me protein and now couldn't stop thinking about it and after i collected about 3lbs of, yummy, better than last time, of oyster mushrooms. i went to the store for some wine to add to my dinner sauté and bought some pork. thin and easy to cook. and a whole massive jar of garlic in water. and fucking bacon. damn you. and all without food stamps. damn you. lol

next post i'll be at the tenth embedded video on the  list, you have no excuse to not be clicking. you may not like what you hear and shut it off but click the damned buttons lol. i also put up two ai designs.

well it's taken me about 45 minutes to get this far tonight and i've still got an hour of prep with the mushrooms and want to eat dinner by ten. so i've got to quit procrastinating and get to it. I haven't used my bong in days. i'm amazed. i just use the vape pen. i amaze myself. quite often in fact. especially when i look in the mirror. I'd fuck me. but my standards are fairly low and expectations even lower. i think i'm going to ask the ghost if she'd be willing to give a date another shot. i'm just begging for disappointment huh? I should just get on fetlife.com and find my fetish filling / needs meeting person. Eventually I may or probably will do that but for now i'm patient and i have a wide variety of ideas i think should come first. the slow route. the good guys, we good guys, we finish last. i'm okay with that. i've accepted that. i'm owning that with my decisions. Honestly, I think that i'm making the best decision and choosing the best route. if you see any flaws don't hesitate to point them out because i could use the insight. Thats heavy huh? well I laid it there at your feet anyway. do with it what you will.