Rage!!

Fury

I can't take it anymore. i just cant.i can't recall ever feeling this way. my heart is pounding. im shaking. it's taking everything i have just to stay put. i'm scared. not of what may happen but what i may do. i want to scream. i want to bang my head against a metal plate. i want to break anything and everything. it's all just too much. i think i may have snapped. i can't be in public. i can't drive. i fear i may steer head on into traffic. its really that way. i think that would be so perfect. just go onto the freeway and get in the oncoming lane. i can barely keep from throwing up. this will pass. if i had a punching bag maybe. i think what i feel is aggression. anger. putrid hate. disgust. fury. the strength of a thousand men. the anger of a million. i think i have been holding it in too long. i've got to move forward and never again want respect. holy hell i want to watch someone bleed. i want to put something in a bag and choke it until it breathes no more. and then i want to punch it. maybe stab it if i have any strength left. if i can manage. finally. fear. sadness. disgust. at myself. loathing. i feel again. the numb is subsiding. i think i am safe from myself.